What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 03:25
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im still living with it.
I was 9 years of age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I waited trembling.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My life is so biszare .
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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What are some other ways to say "you're welcome" in French besides "de rien"?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What’s wrong with anti-imperialism?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Is it true that in 2028 there will be a new AIDS variant that will wipe out all the LBGTQ+ people?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Can you list every album you have ever listened to?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What did i know ?
Who then, do I blame.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was scared of men, in general
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Put me off passion for life!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But, we were locked up after school.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was in good health!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Especially a lifetime of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She loved him until the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
This is soul school!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It was going to be , some day.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I said to her
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Would this be the day?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I write beautiful poetry .
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i lived it daily.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
He resisted the act ,that day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Ive learnt so much.
We were not on the streets..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was seconnd youngest,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot live in the past .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it wasn’t much.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I think the readers, may guess!
She found it foreign!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.